Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I never wanted my life to end like I did when i was with him. Being with him was like being with the devil. He was so evil, so violent, so cruel. To him i was nothing. To him i was worthless and undeserving to live. He was like a Vampire, he craved the look, smell, and taste of blood.And my blood was the only blood that he desired. Hitting me,punching me, grabbing me, kicking me, scratching me, pulling me, beating me, anything and everything that could make me bleed he did.
I never thought that in a million years i would ever be in a abusive realtionship but i have and it can happen to anyone. What made me think that i was so special that id never get into a abusive realtionship i dont know but no longer do i think that the worst cant happen to me.
When i first met the devil of my life he was a prince charming. So right, so perfect, so desireable. I never even thought about anything negative of him. I was in high school and i was young and naive so of course i thought i was in love and had found my prince charming. He was handsome, star football player, popular, and so sweet. He was great for the first month of our realtionship until i found out that he was cheating. The whole time we had been together he was dating another girl at our school with the same exact name as me! How ironic. Of course he denied it and i believed him. So a few weeks after the the cheating incident his true colors started to show. He became aggressive, clingy, pushy, demanding, and violent. People around the school actually named us Ike and Tina! He was so violent with me everywhere and anywhere even in class and infront of people. I never in my life been so embarrased!My prince charming had turned into a MONSTER.
Leaving wasnt a option for me because he had threatened my life so what choice did i have? I was stuck in hell with the devil himself. Things got worse over time and it started when he sexually abused me. The physical, mental, verbal, and emotional abuse was nothing compared to the sexual abuse. I wanted to down right DIE. I felt like a rag doll being tossed around.I couldnt tell anyone because i was scared and embarrassed. Each time i had seen my own blood drip from my scars i felt more worthless. I didnt even feel real anymore. He would watch the blood drip and lick it like it was candy. He would rub the scars n stare at them as if it were the most fascinating painting he had ever layed eyes upon. He was in love with his "Bloody Kife" not me.
I finally found the strength and courage to break away from hell and it was not easy. I had to become in love with the "Bloody Knife" as well.
The "Bloody Knife" is what stopped my heart from beating. Its what took the real meanig of love away from me. But it also has made me a stronger and wiser person today. I'll never forget the experience i had with him, ill actually cherish it because of him i am who i am today. I forgive him. I forgive him for everything he did and how he feel in love with the "Bloody Knife" and turned on innocent me. My heart was murdered and my soul was strengthened by the doings of the "Bloody Knife"